We have a mountain.
That’s what my husband said to me a couple months ago.
And I agree. We’re not just in a funk. Our marriage is in a hard spot with some big challenges we need to figure out and work through.
Family, friends, pastors, and mentors all have their opinions and precious wisdom, but I realized that no one but me, my husband, and God know what fully happens between the four walls of our home. And only God, in his infinite wisdom, can fix, repair, lead, and guide our next steps. Only he can really be my ultimate Counselor.
I hated that my husband used the word “mountain,” and I wanted to quickly jump in and note that with faith we could just move the mountain. But deep down, I knew the mountain was too big and that I honestly had no idea how to move it. I didn’t even know what moving it meant. Was I supposed to climb it? Embrace it? Was it a long steady hike? Or a bust-out-your-rock-climbing-skills sort of mountain? Or was I supposed to muster up all the mustard seed strength and move it from Point A to Point B with just a little faith, and then carry on?
I had no idea what to do with said mountain. So I sat. With my legs folded pretzel-style and my arms hanging to the side of my body, fingers dangling in the dry dirt—staring at the mountain. Instead of trying to force my marriage into what I wanted it to be, I sat and waited for God to speak and tell me how to tackle my mountain. And I wasn’t going to take one single step until I heard him speak my steps.
In this sitting, something happened. I expected it to be this grandiose moment—like a hurricane hitting it and destroying it or it being uprooted from its base and taking flight off into the universe. But I found God where he always is, in that still small voice, whispering and revealing.
When I gave God room to speak God, he showed me how to take the first steps in moving my mountain.
I see where I could have done it differently. So I’m changing that part of me.
I see where what was and is no longer can be. So I’m changing my response.
I was trying to force the mountain to move my direction. Now, I’m not so busy pushing the mountain and getting nowhere that I have time and space to heal.
I was trying to control everything. Now, I’m not so busy trying to control my husband that I can actually finally see the good work God is doing in him.
Piece by piece the mountain is being exposed.
In my marriage, we built our own mountain. It’s built of pride, resentment, control, bitterness, hurt, and power. And the only way for our mountain to move is to have a little faith and give God room to move in our hearts and our actions. With faith, we can (slowly) move this mountain.
What’s your mountain?
Is it your marriage? Is it parenting? Is it your work situation? Is it an addiction that you’re pretending isn’t an addiction? Is it something in you that needs changing but you think it’s too big or too much of who you are?
Come, sit with me at the base of the mountain. Yes?!
With just a little faith, God will surely move these mountains.
by Kaylee Page
“’You don’t have enough faith,’ Jesus told them. ‘I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.’” (Matthew 17:20)
Lord, my life is in your hands. My mountain is in your hands too.